


Season of Drifts

by orphan_account



Category: Pacific Rim (2013), The Sandman (Comics)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-03
Updated: 2014-07-03
Packaged: 2018-02-07 05:58:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1887513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dr. Lightcap needs test subjects for her pons device. Who better than the never-dying Endless to take the first Drift?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Season of Drifts

2015

It was another long night for Dr. Caitlin Lightcap. Nevertheless, she couldn’t stop now. Her conscience wouldn’t let her waste a single breath on other activities, not when lives were being taken from this planet for a reason too bizarre to comprehend. Biology has come back to bite us, Lightcap thought. We’re no longer the dominant species. The only thing humanity has left to save itself was its collective intelligence: its ability to dream, its desire for a better world. It had the capacity to alter its own destiny, the capacity to prevent itself from wallowing in despair or succumbing to delirium. To escape its own destruction.

Lightcap was using that potential to its fullest. The idea was simple: what if humans were strong enough to fight back? What if we could transfer our strength of mind to strength of body? Lightcap was so, so close to making that intangible idea into a reality. The only step left was a bit of fine tuning and a bit of testing.

If only fine-tuning was that easy. Lightcap hated to admit it, but she didn’t know if her prototype pons device worked. She knew what it was supposed to do, but she didn’t know if it would actually function. In theory, the device would synchronize a human brain with a machine’s interface, but it held the potential to synch a human brain with anything else, even another brain. The machines weren’t built yet, mainly because funding was running out. The United Nations hadn’t been keen on shelling out money to young scientists with outlandish ideas. That was one problem. The other was that she didn’t have any test subjects. Ethics demanded that Lightcap know that her machine was safe before testing it on other human beings. And, as far as she knew, the pons system was just as dangerous to a person as a kaiju. Lightcap was even reticent to test it on herself. She knew that if she suffered any kind of neural damage, the project would be over. Her life would have been for nothing.

As the night wore on, Lightcap’s zeal began to wane. She was no longer motivated by thoughts of saving lives or being a hero. All she could think about now was the sheer strength of the kaiju. She looked down at her feet, shaking her head. I am too small for this, she despaired. I am too naive. This is basic biology, after all. Adapt or die.

No, another small voice said to her. It’s not time to invoke Darwinism, not yet.

Lightcap rubbed her eyes. One voice in her head was acceptable. Two meant that she was going to have a hard time being productive. The last thing Lightcap wanted was for the voice-count to reach three.

Lightcap yawned, the final signal that it was time for bed. On the way out the door of the lab, lightcap passed a window. But instead of seeing her own haggard reflection in the glass, she saw a stout, naked, scowling woman. The woman was bleeding from the right cheek. Disturbed by this sight, Lightcap looked away. It was definitely time for bed.

When she came back the next day, Lightcap hesitantly checked the glass for the bleeding woman. She was gone. Filled with both relief and anxiety, Lightcap opened the door.

There was an equally strange being waiting for her inside.

* * *

It was the time of Apocalypse, and the Endless walked the earth with increased frequency. Desire had always loved to walk among the humans, primarily for its own amusement, but was rarely joined by its twin. Despair had always been slightly reclusive, preferring to observe the humans from the misty mirrors within her domain. Misery may love company, but she still didn’t want it to come too close.

Now, it was different. Despair was everywhere. The kaiju were luring her out of her realm at last. She hadn’t walked the earth this much since the plague years. However, she hadn’t paid much attention to Lightcap during this time. Lightcap was a child of Dream and Desire. Desire spoke of her often. “This scientist thinks she’s so pure, but she’s so full of wanting. And look at how she acts on it, isn’t it just engrossing?” At first, Despair didn’t agree. But when Lightcap began to slip into her realm, Despair took more notice than she typically did.

So the first thing the apathetic, yet dutiful Despair did was alert her sister. Standing in her gallery and holding a cold glass heart, Despair said, “You’re losing her, sister.”

“As I am aware, my twin,” was the reply. “Never fear. i’m staging an intervention. Won’t this be fun, now that she’s under our joint control?”

“I suppose so.”

“You suppose? Watch me, dear sister. You’ll have as much fun as your bleak little heart is capable of having, I assure you.”

* * *

“Who are you?”

“You want a test subject.”

“How did you get here?”

“But more than that, you want glory. And you’re so close. You’ve never wanted anything so badly in your life.”

Ordinarily, Lightcap would have been snappy to an intruder in her lab. But there was something compelling about this one. He (or was it she?) made her curious.

The stranger smiled at her. Suddenly, Lightcap felt as if she’d been hit with a defibrillator. Her heart started pounding; her focus on the stranger dimmed. All Lightcap could think about was her test. Her device. How she needed it to work so, so badly, and that she’d never heard something so accurate in her life: Lightcap had never wanted anything so badly.

“I’m glad you agree with me.”

The sultry voice of the stranger pulled Lightcap out of the whirlwind of her heart. “Of...of course I do,” Lightcap stammered.

“Everyone always does.” The stranger smiled. That smile was unlike anything Lightcap had seen before. There was a cold, beautiful, and cruel power behind that smile. Lightcap was no longer flustered. She was frightened. Lightcap was so mesmerized by the stranger that she didn’t notice when the woman from the window appeared beside her.

“You called, sister?” The woman from the window had a raspy, monotonic voice. It wasn’t devoid of emotion, yet it felt empty. Bleak. the window woman was the complete antithesis of her sister, fat where she was thin, raspy where she was smooth. but they seemed to match. There was no other word for it. Lightcap was able to see the sisterly resemblance. it wasn’t in their appearance: it was in their minds.

Suddenly, Lightcap knew exactly what to do with them. there was no way those strangers were human. These were the subjects she had been looking for all along. “Tell me, how susceptible are you to neural damage?” asked Lightcap.

“Why, darling, I’d thought you’d never ask,” replied the lusty stranger. Her sister nodded and gave a grimace that might have resembled a smile. Lightcap proceeded to hook them up to her pons device. The drift was about to begin.

 

* * *

 

_Dust and ashes and they’re so big but I’m here I’m here but I’m not and I dreamed and it was so beautiful and I want…_

_I want…_

_What do I want? I don’t know what are they what is this it’s made of atoms and it’s so beautiful and I want and I want but I can’t have it so there must be something wrong_

_it doesn’t matter_

_nothing matters because because I want it and you can’t stop me and I won’t let you stop me your dreams are my desires and you’ll see_

_YOU’LL SEE_

_but I can’t_

_I can’t and I realize it and that’s the worst is that I want but I can’t I CAN’T and it’s the worst_

_ripping_

_scream_

_I had a body but now there are two_

_did I want that?_

_I can’t and it knows that_

_I can’t?_

_Can’t what?_

_I forgot_

_want_

_want_

_help_

_I’m looking at you and you’re bigger but I was you so what’s the problem everything is the problem_

_there are too many problems_

_is that why I’m outside am I a problem_

_There isn’t nothing anymore but that’s not better nothings better except_

_All I want is to feel that pain again I spilt and it was perfect and I felt like I was doing something right but then it was done and it was wrong and I know it and I can never make up for it never never never_

_Am I good enough_

_I deserve the pain let’s make it happen again cut cut bleed and you stare at me and you think I’m crazy_

_And there’s the earth and there’s something called people_

_and they want_

_and they despair_

_and they don’t know that one leads to the other and we are twins and you can’t have one but both and I love you and I weep for you_

_let’s walk among the humans_

_Let’s get what we want_

_Let’s feel the pain_

_let’s_

 

* * *

 

Her data readout is off the charts. Lightcap knows her device works. She’s never seen so much neural connectivity in her life. The strangers had emerged from the drift unharmed, and for that, Lightcap was pleased. They said nothing. The tall stranger took her sister’s hand.

(They vanished. Lightcap never saw them again.)

Later, comments from co-workers said that, the day after her first trial, Lightcap changed. She became volatile. They say she flipped back and forth between mischief and self-imposed isolation. There were scars on her wrist where there had once been unblemished skin.

Caitlin Lightcap knows all about wanting something beyond the limits of desire.

(Caitlin Lightcap knows all about the pain that comes when you don’t get it.)


End file.
